Görløk: The Warløk

 

Gorlok_bg_crop_1-FINAL

After completing the legendary Riff of Ragnarök to enter Halls of Helheim and successfully defeating the goddess Hel in a battle of the basses, Görløk was awarded the thunderous Axe of Fenrir – an epic skeletal bass guitar. When the Axe bonded with his Viking blood, he gained mighty powers over death itself.

Görløk once used this mythical instrument to cause an entire crowd of rabid fans to simultaneously burst into flames during a particularly extreme shred while on tour with his Swedish death metal band, The Vengeful Fallen. He then raised the crowd from the dead to serve as his undead roadies.

However, that was in the 80s, and despite Görløk’s mighty riffs and guttural yell, the music industry can be cruel. “The Hipster Dynamo,” a crime-fighter who happens to be a vegan Canadian indie folk singer/songwriter and Görløk’s arch-nemesis, has since taken over the radio waves. Of course, his monotonous tunes have been exclusively recorded in an animal rescue shelter in Portland, Oregon.

Many are proclaiming this to be the “death of metal.” Görløk, however, is nothing if not persistent, and also knows that death is not nearly as permanent as it looks. If he can take over the world, he can strike down the hipsters and return metal to the true glory it deserves.